Rambling for today

A BRAND NEW DAY

Author: Aeni

Rest your head and close your eyes
Everything will be okay
For when you wake with the sweet sunrise
It will be a brand new day
Turn down the lights and pull me close
Feel only the beating of our hearts as we lay
For when you wake with the soft morning breeze
It will be a brand new day
Relax your body and caress my soft hair
Let all of life's worries melt away
For when you wake with the warm summer scent
It will be a brand new day
Fall fast asleep and dream with me
Whisper "I love you, I'm here to stay"
For when we wake in each other's arms
It will be a brand new day

So I have come to realize that no matter how closely people are related they can still and will hurt you. Some people are just like that. They feel that they have to make people hurt in order to feel good about themselves. I am trying not to do this to people. I don't think I have but, but if anyone felt I did I am sorry.

I am not going to let this affect me. I am going to move on and if that means that I have to let some people down and not be able to cater to their every

move and need then that is fine. People will have to deal with that. I hav e my own family and friends that care for me and don't try to make me feel bad to take care of.



On that note. Joe is getting ready

for school, he starts the 26th of August. He says he had a fun summer, but I'm not so sure of that. He spent it with me on a school bus all summer long.

Those are just some random pictures from this summer!


He has gotten so big! Mentally I don't know how he does it. Dealing with his dad and then he has to deal with Nick's kids... mind you Nicks kids are good and they have been through a lot too and know how to handle Joe somewhat. Yet between me and his Dad splitting and then his Dad not being around, and now he even knows his Dad is in jail...... wow he deals with a lot, but he is good with it, he just lets it roll off of his back and doesn't look back.



I look up to him for that!

Finding a true medium

I know why the caged bird sings by Maya Angelou

A free bird leaps on the back
Of the wind and floats downstream
Till the current ends and dips his wing
In the orange suns rays
And dares to claim the sky.

But a BIRD that stalks down his narrow cage
Can seldom see through his bars of rage
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
Of things unknown but longed for still
And his tune is heard on the distant hill for
The caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
And the trade winds soft through
The sighing trees
And the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright
Lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged BIRD stands on the grave of dreams
His shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with
A fearful trill of things unknown
But longed for still and his
Tune is heard on the distant hill
For the caged bird sings of freedom.

For the last eight years of my life I was the caged bird. Someone came along and opened the door for me and now I get to feel what it is like to be free. I love it. I don't ever want to be back to the cage again.
There has been a lot of things that have happened just in this last year, well actually this last 9 months. Not even a year. That really should never have happened. It all started by me standing up and saying I was tired of all of the BS and I wanted to be me and do what I wanted and what I felt was best for me and my son. Once I did that all of the S#@t started rolling off of me and downhill.

Thanks to my better half I realized that the relationship I was in before was going nowhere, and my heart was not there, it was somewhere else. (I also have Weird Al to thank.... long story) I realized love is wonderful and not a chore. It is something That two people share and work on. Not one sided at all. When you look at the person that completes you, I no longer think "this is it" I think "This is wonderful!" I can look into his eyes and melt.....
,
Then I started standing up for me. First I went to a tattoo convention and got my industrial and my first tattoo. Thanks to my cousin and a friend of mine.

I had also finally gotten a job that I somewhat enjoy :) and I am more independent at work and that helped a whole lot too... Thank you Toni.

Then on my daughters birthday I went to go to the grave site. *February 13* I was going to go on my break, but my car broke down (one of the four very bald and dry rotted that I had) went flat on me and I called Nick and Dan who were 5 mins from me. (We had just split ways and I was still by work) Dan filled the tire up (that had come off of the bead) and Nick told me to drop my car off and he would take me where ever I needed to go. So we went to Jewel got some stuff for the grave and cupcakes for his son. We then went and dropped the cupcakes off and went out to Ascension to go see Kayla. Nick came with me. I didn't think it was wrong considering that he is my best friend. Well my ex (who was not an ex at the time and the father of my daughter) had an issue with this and decided on his own behalf that he was going to yell at me and accuse me of doing things (people) behind his back. That weekend sucked for me and needless to say I consider the13th as the day that I started to seeing Nick as my boyfriend.


Then comes June and me and Nick have been together for a couple of months. I have my own place *yah!!!!* and my ex tells me in a text that he can't come get his son because he is at a friends and doesn't know when he will be back. I gave and said fine I will see you later. I gave my son a bath before bed. This is when my world spun out of control. I went in to wash my son's hair *since he is a big baby with that **Giggles** * and he started talking about taking a shower with his Dad. Before too long he was explaing "things" that he did with "daddy" and I lost it. I came downstairs and talked to Nick and couldn't even think about what was really happening. It happened soooo fast. The police were here and then gone and I couldn't sleep that night. I remember it almost as clearly and the day I lost my daughter. Since then it has been a whirlwind of emotions and upheaveals. My ex was arrested (he also admitted to what his son said and more) and we are currently in the court proceedings )although it has yet to begin.)




This is an old pic of Nick but this gives you a face to go with a name :)


Well that is some of the past of mine..... now all the rest of my posts are going to be the future.... I am not looking back anymore. I tore off the rearview mirror. *Thanks* ^_^

My Stick Family from WiddlyTinks.com